It’s the final hours of my birthday

12/6/10

It’s the final hours of my birthday. To be honest, I’m happy the day is coming to an end. I think the day’s events perfectly reflected my past year. For instance, on my way to have lunch with my mother, my car completely broke down. It threw a wrench into my plans but, somehow the constant flow of birthday wishes kept my spirits up. I originally planned on just having a low key birthday this year but, I surely didn’t expect to spend it by myself stranded on the side of the freeway. I spoke with my book distributor Jim and he assured me the books were in print. It seems that we are forever waiting on the shipping. When the books are shipped, it will be a huge load off my back. I say this because my entire run is based on having books to read to kids. Ups and downs! Amid the setback, I continued to tell myself, “There is no such thing as good luck or bad luck. There is only what happens and how you choose to deal with it.” There is nothing for me to feel sad about or any reason for me to complain. I have food in my stomach, and a strong healthy body. I am surrounded by great friends that care about me. My life is real and it has a higher purpose. I’d be a fool if I didn’t see these blessings. Of course, the fact that the car broke down still sucks! But what am I gonna do? I’m not going to let this break me down. I don’t have the luxury of even thinking about it because of the task at hand.

My mantra for this run has been, “I refuse to fail!” It’s just the way it is. It’s what keeps me taking one more step. But, sometimes when I’m alone, a tiny voice inside questions me. It questions my intentions and my heart. I am my own worst critic. I know in my mind what I want. I know what is perfect and ideal. I wish I could be perfect. I know I am far from it. In the past I have made compromises. I learned that once you make even the smallest of compromises, it becomes easier and easier to do. So, I try not to compromise too much these days. I try to remember to stay patient and focus on the details. It is easy to remember these things in a calm serene environment. When the pressure is on and the world starts to feel like it’s caving, desperation sets in. This desperation results in hasty decisions. Hasty decisions lead to compromise and mistakes. Really it’s much better to do everything perfectly the first time around. In the end, time is saved and results are better.
I guess I learned a few valuable lessons while on leave from society. It’s funny how the influence of others can cloud the mind. Being bombarded by many opinions can lead us away from what we instinctively know is right. We lose perspective on what is truly important. We feel rushed and we want everything instantly. But results don’t happen overnight. It is consistency, sacrifice, and hard work that yield success.

I’m happy to put these thoughts on paper today. I’m still exhausted from dealing with the busted car but, at least my head is once again clear. Quiet time with the thoughts is all it takes.